Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
