so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize