Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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