How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
