uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
