you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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