I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
