you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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