Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
