Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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