I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
