He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
