Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's shark week go big or go home
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
