yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
