just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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