this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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