first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
