Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
