I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The best revenge is premature balding
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
