I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
