I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I love having hate sex.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
