Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
