Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
