why didn't you poke me back
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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