got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
