take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
