my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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