nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
