had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
