they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize