dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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