why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
