Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
