I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
