you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
