its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
