It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
