I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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