your parents love me but you hate me
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
