Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Enjoy the penises
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize