Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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