Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
