I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
