so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
