I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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