GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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