She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
