you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I am naked and annoyed.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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