so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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