in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
