The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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