When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
being pregnant is like rehab
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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