we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
