we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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