2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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