Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
