So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
