He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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