i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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