She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
