I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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