i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
