Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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